


Somewhere Over The Rainbow

by thefangirl2002



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Sadness, Tony Needs a Hug, this might be bad oop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11849910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirl2002/pseuds/thefangirl2002
Summary: "Somewhere over the rainbowWay up high,There's a land that I heard ofOnce in a lullaby."—





	Somewhere Over The Rainbow

—1975

"Excuse me." Maria said, excusing herself from the conversation she was hardly listening to and gave the guests a small smile. "I should go find Tony." She said, mainly to her husband next to her who simply nodded and pecked her cheek. She smiled lightly, slipping her arm from Howard's and walking away. She frowned when her legs weren't attacked by the boy. She sighed and went over to the couch, a fond smile forming on her red painted lips as she saw her five-year-old half asleep on the couch in an uncomfortable looking position.  
She picked him up carefully and shushed him quietly as he stirred as he was shifted from cushions to arms.

 

Moving to the stairs, Maria carried him up to his bedroom, the chatter of the Stark's party still lively. She changed Tony out of his clothes into his comfortable sleep clothes and tucked him in safely with a kiss to his forehead. She was about to leave the room when she heard his little voice speak up. "Mama?"

"Yes, Tony?" Maria asked, inbetween the door and the frame, glancing over her shoulder at the dark tuff of hair the peaked about the blankets. "Will...Will you sing to me?" He asked in a shy voice, earning a smile from Maria. "Of course." She shut the door behind her and retreated to the bed, sitting next to him and his head immediately rested in her lap. "What would you like to hear?" She asked, sweeping dark wisps or hair away from his eyes.

"The rainbow one." Tony mumbled drowsily. "The rainbow one." Maria repeated quietly before realizing what he meant. "Alright," she murmured before starting.

"Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high  
There's a land that I've heard of  
Once in a lullaby."

 

— 1991

Tony refused to go to his parents funeral. He sat at home and pitied himself. He hadn't cried yet. Perhaps it hadn't hit him yet. Perhaps he was convincing himself that Howard and Maria would walk through the front door with the luggage, telling him that they missed their flight and decided to stay home with him for Christmas. But it didn't happen.  
God, what he would do to walk in the room and smile when he saw his mother play their grand piano and plop next to her and join along just one more time she he could remember what if felt like exactly. So he could cherish it one last time. Hell, he would even let his father criticize his life choices, just so he could look at him one last time. 

It was Peggy who trudged over to the Stark household and opened the blinds, earning a depressing sounding moan from Tony when the sunlight hit his eyes. "Up." Peggy said and pulled the pillow away from Tony's face. Pressing her lips in a disapproving frown. "Up, Tony." She repeated in a more strict voice. Tony didn't move. He stared up at her, his face blank except for his dark eyes, which were glossy with unsheathed tears. "Anthony Edward Stark. Get up now. It's been almost a week and a half since the funeral that you did not attend. Up, wash up, shave, and get some food. I'll do something about that hangover of yours." She replied and began to walk to the kitchen. 

Tony's jaw clenched slight as he sat up. The pain in his head didn't bother him as much as the tight pain in his chest that got worse since December 17th. "How did you...?" He uttered softly, earning a chuckle from Peggy in the kitchen. He swore, that woman had super hearing. "Because I know you, Tony. You went through every single whiskey your father owns." Peggy told him. She was right. That's exactly what he did. He needed something to ease the pain, but it didn't do a damn thing. But he would never admit that. Tony didn't answer. He just trudged up the stairs slowly, dreading every step he took.

The moment Peggy pulled up in the cemetery Tony tensed in his seat, despite his slumping. "Turn around." Tony mumbled, his voice still hollow sounding. "No." Peggy replied and pulled up to a certain section of tombstones. "Go on." She told Tony and unlocked the car. Tony shook his head simply and stared at the dashboard. "Tony." Peggy repeated. "Fine." He snapped, which was the first time of him doing that to her. But he saw her face, she was uneffected because he knew he didn't mean to. He opened the door and slid out, almost like jelly. He walked through the frozen grass. 

It hadn't snowed yet, Tony didn't expect it would. All it had been raining and simply freezing because of the bitter weather. After looking for a few moments, he stumbled upon the two stones he had didn't want to lay eyes on. He read it over several times, his face hard and stony before shoving his cold hands in the pockets of his thin jacket. 

He stood like that for several moments, trying not to look at the newly patched up grass under him. Taking in a shuttering breath, he tries to blink away hot tears that sprung into his eyes. He couldn't do it anymore. He collapsed to his knees slowly, making a choked up noise as he did so. "I'm sorry." He choked out, running his hand through his crisp hair and tugged at it desperately as he sobbed, the hot tears fell down the side of his face and actually warned it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He repeated over and over, his cries getting louder.

He should of done something. He could of stopped them. He could of told them he loved them. He could of been a better son for the both of them. But It was too late.

 

Gasping for air, he ripped at the grass for a while before his heave sobs turned to silent tears rolling down his cheeks. "So.." he tried to get out, but the words were stuck in his throat. "Som..." he tried again, swallowing back another round of tears and he wiped his wet cheeks. "Some.. w..where.." he tried to sing, his eyes clouding up again and his threat tightened. "Damn it." He cursed, throwing his hand up slightly and looked away. 

 

Taking a few breaths, he sighed shakily before looking at the ripped up grass. He really did a number on it. "Some...somewhere over the rainbow." He croaked and looked up at Maria's tomb stone, his face softening and he bit his lips to hold back any tears that never ended. He couldn't start the song. The song that captivated him as a child and he and his mother played on the piano.  
"Some day... I'll wish upon a star..." he choked out. "And wake up where the clouds are far behind me." He whispered, sounding as if the wind was knocked out of him forty times. "Where troubles melt like lemon drops a way above the chimney tops... that's where you'll find me." 

 

Tony thanked Peggy quietly for bringing him and after that the ride was silent. He retreated to his spot on the couch and sat there until dark. Finally, he got up and went to the record player his mother kept in the sitting room. He flipped through the records his mother always played quietly whenever they had guests or some sort of dinner party. He memorized every song and each one of them reminded him of his mother in their own way.  
Frank Sinatra  
Dean Martin  
Fred Astaire  
Gene Kelly 

And finally he flipped through the one he had been looking for. 

Judy Garland

He flipped to the back, let his eyes scan each song before it landed on the song he now knew he could never bring himself to sing again. His eyes flicked to the player, and he considered of saving the black disk. But before he knew it, it was in a million shards on the ground and he was leaving the room to go hunt down any other traces of the song. 

— Present 

Tony sat in silence at the Avengers facility. He had got Steve's letter. Of course he was still angry. He was beyond it. But mainly disappointed. The Avengers were broken. His family was broken. And it felt as if he just saw it crumble before his eyes... all over again. 

Tony didn't know how I respond to the letter. He wished he could see Steve to either punch him or tell him that he either needs him or... 

He loves him.

He loves him. Stupid. 'Stupid, stupid Tony. Don't think like that.' He told himself. 

The burden on his shoulders only became heavier over the years. And heavier. And heavier. 

He couldn't do it anymore. Any of it. 

"Just let me go over the fucking rainbow already." He said in an exhausted voice, rubbing his face with his hands, his eyes fell on a photo of him when he was little and his mother in black and white and in mid laugh. He didn't know why he kept it on his desk anymore. He took it and put it face down on the desk so he wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

"...Please..." he said weakly.

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally a head canon that I made up at 10:30 two nights ago. Hope you guys enjoyed!


End file.
